I am doing great, I’ll get better.

You can hang me upside down, you can call me a phony and you can call me even names but you cannot dissuade me from the belief that “no one can make anyone feel inferior without their permission”.

Toast masters you may be wondering, where does this strong conviction come from? It comes from my own personal experience. When I was 13 years old, I participated in a state level Electronics competition. I won the first place, but while giving the demonstration I used a lot of fillers in my explanation. I was told that I could not talk properly. I started believing in it. Due to which I failed a number of times while giving presentations.

Wait till you listen to another incident in my life, this time nobody even had to tell me how bad I was. I simply assumed it and started doubting myself. I failed an exam in engineering. Just before reappearing for the exam I developed cold feet, declined to write the exam and also contemplated to run away from home to avoid writing an exam.

When I analyze this, I realize I took one bad experience and believed that I was not capable. Today when I stand here in front of you, I know I was judging myself very hard. Today I understand why that happened to me. Let me explain:

When I say 3 + 3 = 6, nobody will even bat an eyelid, but if I say 4 + 4 = 9 every one will pounce at me including myself. This is the brutal reality in life. Everybody has the time to points out our mistakes, but nobody has time to celebrate the right things we do. That’s what happened to me in that competition. We are not judged what we are, we are judged for what we are not.

According to the results of a survey conducted in Cambridge, we have a tendency to feel worse than what we actually are. I suffered the same with respect to the exam. I never failed a single one, but that fateful exam changed the way I tackled them.

But after making such mistakes I learnt a few foolproof tricks to help me out of these tricky situations. These are advises you would find in a self-help book, a motivational speech or a councilor. Unfortunately most of us would not of cared practicing it. Today I am going to share them all with you toast masters.

• I started writing down my “strengths and weaknesses”.
• I took “feedback” from your friends, family and colleagues about what they think is right and wrong.
• Set long term goals
• I kept “reviewing my performance” are realigning myself to my goals.

• I “Zoomed out”, saw the big picture without emotionally getting involved in the situation.

I started patting my back, It cause a hell of a difference. When you do this, your image of yourself improves, your performance also improves.

Allow me to tell you how much this has helped me:

Couple of weeks ago I went to my mentor with my speech. He said this to me “Dileep you are rambling, you are getting into by lanes, you are not specific damn it ”And my mentor, a very successful management consultant for the last 30 years said with a grin on his face “You want to be a manger? You will make a pathetic manager, but you will definitely make a good professor!!”

In the bad old days I would have gone into slump and negativity. But HEY that did not happen. Let me tell you how I analyzed the comment.

• He saw the negative points and judged me.
• I knew my “strengths” but did not realize my weaknesses.
• I “Zoomed out”. I wanted to see the bigger picture. My mentor did not want to say I will be a poor manager,
1. he wanted to say I am not disciplined in my speech
2. he wanted to say I did not know the goals of my speech
3. he wanted to say I did not know how to prioritize my speech.

• He probably not only saw this in my speech, he must have observed it in me too. I will take this as feedback and work on it. Honest feedback is very difficult to get. When you get it embrace with both your hands.

Now when recall my experience of a 13-year-old, I laugh at myself. I’m glad I did not quit then. Had I quit then I would not have been here in front of you. Now quitting is not my personality, because I know its not that balloon that goes up, but its what inside the balloon that makes it go up.

That’s why I say “You can hang me upside down, you can call me a phony and you can call me even names but you cannot dissuade me from the belief that no one can make anyone feel inferior without their permission”.